The caption beneath the subject for day 4 said, "Do you believe your child left a legacy behind?" My daughter lived for only a few months, I never even knew her. But her short life, and I guess her death, has taught me so much. The first thing that came to my mind was Angel Blankets. If I had thought of this idea on my own without losing a child I think I still would have done it well, but I know for certain I would not be able to do it with understanding. Her leaving gave me an inside view to a world many will never see. I know the comfort that can come of having that blanket to snuggle with. I've sent out almost 300 blankets to individuals and hospitals. Sometimes it feels so small, I wish there was so much more I could do for the mommy's that hurt, but I know there is significance in making something special for their little angel and using that baby's name. It acknowledges that tiny life and the very real pain many people live with every day. There are the times when I receive thank you cards or as messages through facebook, moms who name their baby after I reassure them it's not too late, women who joined support groups twenty or more years after their loss who have never truly talked it out and grieved, and see the pictures moms send back of the blanket they received and I feel myself telling Landyn, "Look what you've done." The brief moments I was given with her and the emptiness I now feel gives me opportunities I never would have had otherwise.
I've also certainly been through a test with my relationship with God. I'm happy to say I've clung to Him tightly the whole way...as a matter of fact He's carried me through most of it. I'm glad I was never tempted to walk away. That's not to say I haven't questioned Him. I mean, why me? Why a baby that was wanted? Why a baby that would have been taken care of and loved? There really isn't an answer, the only thing I can do is take what's been put before me...Angel Blankets and literally hundreds of women and the chance to do my best to be a friend, to listen, to support, to remember tiny angels. Yes, I'd say she left me with something, something that hurts when I really think about what I'm doing...but something that also gives back to me and gives me something to do with the hurt I still feel.