I found out I was expecting Landyn in early spring. She was due in the winter but born in the summer. It is hard to say if one season is harder then another or holds more memories. This last year has been reliving the year before. All of it has been remembering. I'm not sure what the future holds as far as all that goes. I can definitely see potential in the hot days of summer, the bright shining sun, bringing me back to those days. Time will tell.
|Summer should be about fun...and mud.|
It has been 14 months exactly since she was born. I didn't know today was the 25th until I started writing this so I suppose that is a good sign. The constant counting wears on me. Especially when my brain continues to count without me being aware of it.
Had she lived, Landyn would be 10 months old.
|Her first birthday|
The caption for this one asked, "What do you want to let go of on this journey of grief? Is it fear? Guilt? Worry? Deep sadness? Regrets?"
Um. Yes. Seriously, what kind of question is that? Who wants to live like this?
Wouldn't hurt my feelings at all if it would just all go. But I kind of think that is impossible. Over time I expect it all to slowly lesson, but not for an instant do I think I will ever be free from the emotions completely.
|If I could just let it all go.....|