Monday, April 15, 2013
I find myself occasionally asking, "God, couldn't there have been another way?" Because my Landyn went to heaven my eyes have been opened to a huge need and opportunity. I learned to crochet with the intention of making a few blankets to donate to the hospital in time for Landyn's due date. Never would I have imagined where this would go. A simple idea now a huge part of my every day life. The first two months that I donated blankets I sent out 78. Over the last week I have received more than 50 requests for blankets. The request idea kind of popped into my head after I offered to make one specifically for a mom I had been emailing. I hadn't decided yet if I would even do it, not knowing if I could afford it or have the time, and I got the first message on my Angel Blankets facebook page asking if I only donated to hospitals or did I make them for individuals. I knew I no longer had to decide. How could I possibly tell a mother I wouldn't give her that tiny bit of support. To say the idea has exploded is no joke. I hate there is a need...but I love that there is something I can do. Every time the requests take a jump so does the money, yarn, and blankets donated. I feel, so clearly, God not only asking me to do this, but making it very easy. The moms are so thankful. All they want is someone to acknowledge their pain and their baby. I can do that simply by making a little blanket. I can't make it better, they know that, I know that. But, just to have something to hold on to when that ache in arms comes, just to have someone say your child's name. I know how important it is to me. See, most people stay very far from the subject of our little angels, they don't want to hurt us by bringing it up. You know what? We are hurt by the silence. Yes, we are deeply hurt by the loss...but pretending it never happened does not make us better. We love our babies. We carried them in our bodies, now we carry them in our hearts. Not only do I make blankets but I'm praying for these moms, I talk to them, I use their baby's names. I can because I know and I share the same pain and frustration. When I ask if there could have been another way I don't know if it's my own logic or the voice of God himself that softly whispers, "No."